Today greeted me with the pitter-patter of raindrops (and a hefty dose of demotivation), so I spent the predawn hours vegging out with the idiot box on and gazing into the garden, appreciating the raindrops glistening on the leaves.
In days of yore, I wouldn’t have been deterred by the not-quite-drizzle level of the rain and just gotten on the bike.
I should have done it today, too.
But I am struggling to see and have lost my nerve, particularly when cornering or riding on potentially slippery surfaces.
It was enough to keep me sedimentary.
So was a demoralizing public shaming in the workplace yesterday.
So out of touch with reality is my sense of self-worth–sometimes I clearly over-estimate my value and others I am the polar opposite–I don’t know whether my problems stem from me or my tyrannical boss (who has terrible relationships with all employees).
I’m reacting in the only way I can by trying to control what I can, which means no angry outbursts and striving to be cooperative and constructive, while being grateful to my employer and generally respecting my situation by doing the best I can.
It’s not working particularly well, to be honest.
But the rest of the other shit is out of my control.
And I need to find a less toxic environment as it is having a severely detrimental effect on my well-being.
Thank God for Kangaeroo Corner, then, because it brings me so much joy.