I got to see a falling star this morning, the first time in many years, and immediately made a wish.
Partway through, though, I stopped myself and changed the object of my wish.
Instead of seeking some inner peace for myself, I wished happiness and contentment to come to my wife (who has the onerous task of having to put up with me more than anybody else), and then for the long list of people who despise me so that they can be relieved of the ill will that must be hard to carry around.
(It soon dawned on me that I have actually being wishing for my own quick demise, but what’s done is done….)
I like to think of myself as something of a fallen star, having skyrocketed into an apparently stellar career only for it all to come tumbling down. The reality is nothing of the the sort, and that I was never nearly as brilliant as I imagined myself to be and that, in fact, I am at my 適層…the level appropriate for who I am: a bitter, grumpy, selfish, rank-and-file employee unwanted by their employer and lacking the skills needed by society today.
Once I’d stopped thinking about the stars, I got back to reality and did what I always do while riding: prayed for the willingness to do whatever is required of me today, whatever that may be. (I haven’t gotten off to a good start, blogging through procrastination rather than doing the huge amount of work that is currently on my plate. I am sure to get yet another bollocking from the boss for that.)
