He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Ego…(But He Really Is Weighty)

Actually, that title’s a lie and my enormous ego is tremendously cumbrous, probably to the extent that it’s been the bane of my life. My over-sized ego’s up to its old tricks now–especially when cycling–at a time when I need to be humble.

Maybe it’s because of being the baby of a big family or what, but all my life I’ve constantly craved attention and it’s driven me to do some pretty stupid things right through to old age, when conventional wisdom suggests I should be smart enough not to fall for that.

Stuffing myself into body hugging Lycra is among the less painful acts of folly I engage in these days (unless, perhaps, you’re an observer of my archetypical dad bod crammed into such garb), and I look like a bloody clown (and feel like one), but experience has showed the clothing works well with cycling.

Because of my obsessive nature, I cycle a lot, which means that I have built up a certain degree of endurance and stamina that belies my appearance.

I therefore take great delight in taking on some of the much more spectacular cyclists decked out in the latest trendy gear and riding pricier, fancier bikes.

Often, under certain conditions like flat tracks and windless days, I am strong enough to blow away a lot of these other cyclists, giving my ego enormous satisfaction.

When I can’t do that, it’s easy enough to justify that I am old and fat, so for them to drop me is merely a matter of course. Either way, I never lose.

Lots of guys feel their pride stung by being overtaken and dropped by a fat old man. I rode with one such guy yesterday, who was on a top range Cervelo with carbon wheels and all the other bells while looking magnificent in his fashionable Rapha cycling wear that clearly showed there is not an ounce of fat on him. At least, that’s how he appeared when I overtook him as I didn’t see him again as I raced into a strong wind and left him straggling away behind me.

And that’s the kind of situation where my ego is getting me in trouble. My doctor has ordered me to be careful about over-exertion. I’ve got osteomyelitis and my body’s reaction to antiobiotics has been mercurial, not helped by constant changing of medicine, and amputation ruled out a couple of weeks ago has become a decidedly realistic proposition as the redness and pain of afflicted parts has arisen once more. When I over-exert myself on the bike, it apparently sends my creatine kinase results to rocket to skyhigh levels, which the doctor says is drastically hindering my body’s efforts to combat the bone infection plaguing it.

Instead of taking things easy, I’m taking things on, just to massage my ego, and just as it has always done, the bloody thing is dragging me downward yet again.